; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
