i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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