You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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