why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
