I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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