Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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