this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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