Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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