just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
