When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
