Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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