Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
