I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
