I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
