he puts the penis in happiness.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
