I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
