im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
