perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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