I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
