What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize