call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
