Cold hands, warm shart.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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