Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
