tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
