Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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