I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
