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Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
