My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
