I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
