the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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