First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
