Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
not ubering you a puppy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
