my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
