About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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