He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
