Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
