Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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