How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
