Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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