My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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