I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
