Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
