I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
