we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
