Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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