did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize