Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
