I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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