He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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