You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
