Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize