u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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