I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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