just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
