The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
