walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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