Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
