3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
