if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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