I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hippo gnu deer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
