You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
