I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
