he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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