he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize