...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize