can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
