Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
