I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
