Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
