Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
