I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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